If Only
by controlled climb
Summary: Narcissa reflects on her marriage with Lucius. Torn between her love for her son and past regrets, she wonders; was it worth it?


**Was Written for the "Dumbledore Quotes" Challenge **

_- "Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them."_

* * *

Narcissa loved Lucius, she was certain of that. Still, her elder sister's words haunted her; _don't choose him_, she had told her. Andromeda had been disowned though, and Narcissa tried to convince herself that her sister's opinion wasn't important. Even so, it was Andromeda's words echoing through her mind as she said those two fateful words on her wedding day.

"I do." Narcissa face was, for once, lit up by a loving smile as she spoke the two words. Her blue eyes were etched with a silent pain though, as she scanned the crowd, almost disappointed to see that Andromeda wasn't there. She closed her eyes, picturing her sister. She soon snapped them open, as the image in her mind whispered to her._ Don't marry him. Don't marry him. You could do better. Don't choose him._

"I do," Lucius looked at her, a faint smile crossing his face. With the final words of the minister, he leant in to kiss her, sealing the marriage.

A few murmurs of approval sounded from the Black family, as the two entered the reception later on. Bellatrix slithered over to her younger sister, clutching her shoulder and whispering a quiet congratulation in her ear. However, Bellatrix was never one to dwell on the positive, and swivelled on her heel after a few moments, stalking away from the couple. Narcissa gave Lucius a weak smile as he frowned at the disappearing figure of Bellatrix. He never had liked her sister, and there were times when Narcissa often had to scold him for talking rudely about her.

"Let's go," Narcissa tugged on his arm, pulling him out of the room.

* * *

"Hogwarts is a fine school," Narcissa argued, rocking a baby Draco in her arms. She glared at her husband, who was opening his mouth. "Dumbledore," she spat the name. "Won't affect you in any way."

Lucius frowned, fighting the urge to argue with his wife. It was one of many fights that usually ended badly. Still, Narcissa was still held his high affections, and he relented for her.

"Very well," he muttered stiffly.

Narcissa sighed, staring into the fire. How could things have gone so wrong? She had loved him. Wasn't that enough for him? Did he really have to pick arguments with her? If it wasn't Hogwarts, it was the Dark Lord, if it wasn't that, it was Bellatrix. There was always something about her that didn't seem to please him. How she wished she could. She was aware of his unfaithfulness to her, as he was hers to him. She didn't want to be unfaithful. She wanted him to be her only, but after Bellatrix had made those comments – oh, she just couldn't help herself.

Narcissa had never been a particularly been a positive ray of sunshine; it just wasn't in her nature, but never before had she felt so low. There was something about Lucius these days that seemed to suck the life out of her. She looked fondly down at her son, Draco. _At least something's keeping us together_, she thought wistfully.

* * *

"He's dead," Narcissa claimed, stepping away from the body of Harry Potter. She looked directly into the eyes of the Dark Lord, silently praying that he would believe her. Her son. Draco. He was still alive. That was the only piece of information she needed to push her to betray the Dark Lord. Granted, she would probably pay for it later. What have I gotten myself into? She asked herself, gazing at the people around her. They were duelling, mostly. Insults and hexes were being thrown all around, and it was all she could do to hope that her son hadn't been hit with one after Harry had left him. Her jaw clenched at the thought. Imagine that, if Harry Potter had lied to her. If her betrayal had been in vain, oh, how dreadful that would be. Narcissa flung a look at her husband, beckoning him to follow her into the castle.

Draco, without a doubt, was the one person she would die for and the best thing that had ever happened to her. Was he worth it though? Maybe she should have listened to Andromeda. If only blood hadn't divided them. Narcissa couldn't help thinking that what she had gone through to get him, that it had destroyed her.


End file.
